I CAN’T GET ENOUGH…of the Asinine-ness

MORE Free Poverty Entertainment Via the Denton Police Blotter!

Yes. I know that “asinine-ness” isn’t a word, but part of it is featured in today’s blotter entry and I figured that using it in the title might get you to read this post. I swear – I LOVE the blotter. Love it! Especially when I’m feeling down and moody. It’s a cure-all for self criticism. It’s also a cure for the winter blues. In fact, the photo at left was taken immediately after reading it. Tee hee.

Again: Thank you, Donna Fielder.

Blotter: Report: Asinine behavior caught on video

07:20 AM CST on Tuesday, February 2, 2010

By Donna Fielder / Staff Writer

Two women “mooned” a man’s 7-year-old son, the indignant father told a Denton County sheriff’s deputy Friday.

Everyone involved lives in a mobile home park in the 9100 block of Teasley Lane. The man said he has been harassed for some time by a woman who lives in the trailer next door. The harassment has become so prevalent that he installed a surveillance camera to record it, he said.

His son awoke him about 3 a.m. Friday to tell him that he was awakened by the woman and her friend yelling and making so much noise that he couldn’t sleep. The boy said he walked outside and the two women pulled down their pants, turned their backs and bent over.

The man said he thought the boy only had a bad dream. But he checked the next morning and, sure enough, the surveillance camera had caught the women’s backsides on tape.

The deputy knocked on the women’s door but no one answered.

An investigation is continuing.

Poverty Wisdom: Don’t Dine Out and Here’s Why…

Don’t go out to eat. Just don’t do it.  If you’re broke, you can’t afford it and it’s a waste of money.  And besides, restaurant food is usually loaded with calories.

Dining out is also a big waste of time because  it takes FOREVER to endure the restaurant “experience” that is supposed to be so relaxing and convenient.

• wait to be seated at your table
• wait for the waiter to come by and take your drink order
• wait for the waiter come back a second time to actually take your food order
• wait for them to bring your food
• take the time to eat
• wait for the check
• wait for the waiter to come back later and grab your payment
• wait for them to process your payment
• wait for your receipt, etc.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I hate to be such a dud about going out to eat, but sometimes you just have to have a bad attitude about things that cost money and make you gain weight. It works for me!

Save yourself the calories, money, and time by staying home and cooking up some broccoli, rice, and chicken breasts in somethin’ spicy. Click on the photo to the left for an official recipe.

This type of dinner is time and money saving and more important, usually better for you than most of the stuff you’d get at a restaurant.

Enjoy!

Money Saving Tip – Lock Your Car and Don’t Leave Your VALUABLES Inside of It!

This has GOT to be the most obvious money-saving strategy I can think of: PROTECT YOUR PROPERTY.

I’ve posted several police blotter highlights where people make the mistake of leaving their valuables in their car (locked and unlocked), only to return to find out that (shocking!) their crap is stolen. I don’t think that the people of Denton will ever learn. It must be the green marijuana fog floating over this lovely college town that makes its residents turn off their sense of reason and become completely clueless about protecting their belongings.

So as not to bore you, I’ll try to hold back and only post these stories once a month, but I see them almost every day. I’m astounded on a daily basis by the naivete of my fellow Dentonites and am hoping that my posts on this topic will serve as a lesson to them.

Here are 3 more stories to make you feel smarter than the people in my community. Because these stories include male victims, I had to make a “DUH” photo of a dude. What took me so long, right?  Ha! Ha!

I’ve highlighted the funny parts in red.

2600 Old Alton Road, Denton area — Three college students left their handbags in their car while they explored an old bridge Monday, and when they returned they found that the bags had been stolen.

The women said they were walking and taking pictures at the Old Alton bridge, leaving their belongings behind, according to a sheriff’s report. They believed all except one door were locked. According to the report, they lost wallets, credit cards, identification cards and cash.

3600 block of East University Drive — A man reported to police about 6:40 a.m. Wednesday that someone took his 1997 Jeep Wrangler while he was inside a convenience store.

The victim said he left the Jeep unlocked with the key in the ignition because the key won’t come out of the ignition. The victim said he saw a man standing near an ATM as he entered the store.

After five or 10 minutes, the victim said, he emerged from the store to find the man and his Jeep were gone.

The responding officer later was notified that a vehicle matching the description of the stolen Jeep had been found in Krum. A witness said the Jeep was parked in a secluded area near a water well at the back of a mobile home park.

The officer drove to Krum and saw the stolen Jeep with the driver’s door open and some property scattered around. He notified the victim that he could come to the location and pick up his vehicle.

1300 block of South Loop 288 — A man reported Monday that his truck was stolen from the parking lot of a fitness center while he worked out.

The man said he parked the 1999 GMC truck in front of the fitness center, leaving it locked with his wallet, cellphone, wedding ring and watch inside.

He put the key to the truck in his jacket pocket and put the jacket inside a locker. He had no lock, he said, so he closed the door of the locker but did not secure it.

When he went back to the locker room, he discovered his jacket was gone. When he went into the parking lot, he found his truck also was missing. The key featured a remote entry fob, which would enable the thief to honk the horn and learn which vehicle it belonged to, he said.

All I can say in response to these three stories is, “Dang.”

REALLY Good Poverty Recipe – Cabbage, Cilantro, Limes, Peanuts…!

I make this ALL the time. I crave it! I think about it and miss it when it’s gone. It’s cheap and it’s good for you. Click the photo of the open cookbook below to read how it’s done.

I always double up on this recipe and eat it for dinner, then lunch the next day, and then dinner again.  If my mom reads this post, hopefully she’ll comment and let us all know how many Weight Watchers points or calories are in a serving. I’m too lazy to sort it out, but I know it DEFINITELY qualifies to be on the Poverty Diet. If you eat stuff like this all the time (because you can’t afford much else) you will probably be skinny.

I like to stress here that just because you’re broke, you don’t have to eat crap. This is a nice little dish that I cook because it’s cheap, but it really tastes good and has a lot less calories than something from a fast food restaurant. Plus, it lasts me for 3 meals.

Quickie Calculation (Kroger pricing):

• 1 head Nappa Cabbage – $1.20
• 1 bunch cilantro – $.60
• Chili’s (jalapeños) – $.15
• Mustard Seeds – $.05
• Cumin Seeds – $.05
• Peanuts – $.50
• Limes – $.50
• Olive Oil – $.30

TOTAL COST FOR 3 MEALS…. $3.35…give or take, depending on your preference for more or less of certain ingredients. But, you get the point. This is SUPER cheap and waaaaaaaaaaay less fattening than a combo meal at a fast food restaurant.

If you have men or kids in your life, you’ll have to make something to accompany it because they don’t accept suffering and hunger as much as women do. I suggest marinating a few boneless chicken breasts in a store brand salad dressing and cooking them up in a big iron skillet. Cut them in a fancy-looking way to trick everyone into thinking they’re special, and at the last minute while they’re all watching, grind some pepper on them for color contrast and dramatic effect.

Let’s see, what else? It’ll need some color….oooh! Steamed carrots! Also cheap and easy to make.

Serve it up on your fanciest dishes, turn off the TV, and enjoy!

Surviving Poverty – Become Artsy

You have to be creative to be dead broke in America. Ignore the usual urge to “keep up with the Joneses” and become artsy! The slightly unkempt lawns, older furniture, and outdated electronics that accompany poverty instantly become forgivable if they are owned by someone with a “fun and artistic personality”. The Joneses are intrigued by these traits, and will stop the subtle pressure to be just like them if you are considered creatively cool. This pressure release makes it easier to spend your hard earned money on bills instead of things.

Repainting old furniture is a sure-fire way to jump start your thrifty, arty image. Make sure to do this out in the front yard during a high-traffic time of day so everyone can see you. If they stop and ask what you are doing, be flat-out honest and say, “This ol’ thing needed replacing because it was all beat up, but I thought it’d be stupid to spend a ton of money on buying a new one, so I’m repainting it instead…ya like it?”

Your frank answer will be refreshing to them, and they will forgive you for not running out and charging a whole new set of furniture on store credit like they would have, given the same situation.

The Joneses already respect you because of your fitness level and attractiveness  gained through Poverty Beauty regimens and Poverty Diet and Fitness routines. So, besides being interesting and creative, you are also appealing to them. This helps them accept you and your worn out furniture, allowing you the freedom to spend your money on bills instead of “stuff”.

Everyone secretly wishes they could get by on less, but our society and its constant pressure to buy, buy, buy won’t allow it. Be stronger than the masses. Do something a little different. Stand out from the crowd. Save some money. Save the world by painting old furniture.

OK, I got a little carried away. I know you can’t change society or save the world by painting some furniture in your front yard, but it might trigger a little fiscal responsibility around the neighborhood, and more leniency towards those who have less.

Poverty Entertainment Via the Denton Police Blotter. Duh! Again!

I had to break out my “DUH” photo again for this report in Denton’s police blotter! Denton, with its two universities, vibrant music scene, and proximity to Dallas and Fort Worth, is a very creative town. I regretfully applaud our creative “actor” who dared to portray a sheriff in order to carry out his crime. I do NOT applaud the woman who: A) left her laptop in her car instead of bringing it inside her apartment; B) stored a VERY important document in the glove box; or C) believed the guy.

Oh, I bet she felt like a moron the next day down at the police station…

Blotter: Woman learns of ruse after theft of her car

By Donna Fielder / Staff Writer

A man who identified himself as a police officer apparently was involved in the theft of a woman’s car, she told a real officer Tuesday.

The woman said she left her Toyota Camry parked near her apartment in the 2700 block of Colorado Boulevard at about 2 p.m. Dec. 14. She left her laptop computer locked inside. The title to the car was in the glove box, she reported.

When she returned to the parking lot at about 4 p.m., the car was gone. She said she reported the theft to the apartment manager and believed the police were about to be called.

Later, she was contacted by a man wearing a black shirt and a cap that read “sheriff” who said he was a Denton police officer, the report states.

He wrote down her information and gave her a “report number,” she said. She waited but did not hear anything more about her stolen car.

She went to the police station Tuesday with more information she wanted to add to her report. She was told there was no report and that the number was bogus.

An officer checked for her, and there was no sheriff’s report either. The officer checked the license plate number and learned that the car now is registered to an Arlington man.

The investigation is ongoing.

Attack of the Man Boys

After reading today’s police blotter in the Denton Record Chronicle, I’m inspired to bring up a favorite topic of mine: Man Boys. I have a theory that the feminist movement created generations of men who behave like boys. Millions of them.

Why would a boy ever grow up if his “liberated” girlfriend/wife handles their finances, makes sure the cars are maintained, does the yard work, buys the groceries, picks the kids up from school, helps with homework, cooks meals, cleans the house, takes the pets to the vet and the kids to the doctor, picks up the dry cleaning, takes the kids to soccer practice and dance lessons, walks the dogs, builds Ikea furniture, lays flooring, hangs curtains, installs lighting, etc. Oh, and let’s not forget that she’s doing all this while working a full time job (and earning a lower salary than her male counterparts).

Yay for the feminist movement. Rah. Rah. Rah.

For the past 20 years, I’ve sat back and helplessly watched this silliness unfold all around me. The following police blotter entry is a good illustration of the decline of manliness in our society. I love how the author made special note of their ages (25 and 27). She’s funny.

Blotter: Deputy’s car hit by egg in night attack

11:21 PM CST on Thursday, December 31, 2009

By Candace Carlisle / Staff Writer

A Denton County sheriff’s deputy was allegedly the victim of a drive-by egging early Thursday.

The deputy reported he was driving in the 800 block of Woodrow Lane when an egg — flying from a car traveling in the opposite direction — struck his windshield and smeared across his line of sight, according to a deputy’s report.

When the deputy turned his squad car around to pursue the other car, the driver attempted to evade the deputy by speeding up, the report stated.

After a mile, the deputy caught up with the other car and pulled it over, according to the report.

During a search of the vehicle, deputies found a 30-count egg carton, broken eggshells and four unbroken eggs, the report stated.

The 25-year-old driver of the car told deputies that he would throw the eggs, while his 27-year-old passenger loaded his throwing arm, according to the report. The passenger refused to give the deputies information.

Both men were arrested for criminal mischief, the report stated.

The deputy washed the egg from his car, and it reportedly did not cause any damage.

Disclaimer: I am not a man-hater and do not think all men fall into this category. I’m just sayin’…

Texas Weather – Poverty Roadtrip Fun – Dinosaurs!

Time to share a bit of holiday cheer (and lots of photos)! I just had a super fun Hill Country Christmas combined with the most extreme weather changes I’ve ever experienced. I’ve lived in Texas for almost 40 years and never seen it this crazy.  Holy crap. Did I just say the words I, lived, and forty in the same sentence?

Here in North Texas on December 23rd it was about 80 degrees. The dogs and I were all hot and grouchy on our walk because it was straight up hot outside. I was worried about the earth.

The next day….WINTER. We had to make the 5 hour (which turned into 6) trip to the Hill Country for Christmas. 4 of those hours were in snow. It was nuts. Somewhere down there in all the photos, you can see the ice formations on the side of my Vibe. Groovy.

After the long drive, Christmas turned out to be REALLY fun! Lots of family time, food, wine, board games, and a super sweet little niece of mine who equally appreciated all her gifts, no matter how big or small. On the way home, my daughter and I whipped into the Fossil Rim Wildlife Park entry area for photo opps. We couldn’t actually enter the park due to budget and time constraints, but had a good time nonetheless with live buffalo and fake dinosaurs. What??? Check out a video of my daughter doing a happy wildlife park dance at my Facebook Fan Page. Yee haw!

Poverty Finances – Date a Handy Man

I recently returned home from a long weekend away to the smell of gas fumes inside my house. Damn it. After my daughter and I realized what was happening, she ran around opening windows while I began my usual downward spiral of self pity. “How much is THIS going to cost? I can never get ahead! It’s Christmas! Something always breaks! Waaaaaaaaaaah!” So….after waiting in vain for the gas leak to fix itself for a couple of days (my house is drafty – I survived), I called the gas company and they sent a cute workman over to check it out. After peeking around the house for a minute, he said, “Let me run out to my truck and get some tools.”

I love that sentence.

After he returned with his tools and did a little bit more looking around, it was confirmed: I had a gas leak. My kitchen’s original copper lines from 1973 were seeping gas into my home. Did I know a plumber who could replace them with new flex lines?

WHY, YES I DID.

If you’ve read any of my prior posts, you’ll know that I’m currently dating Plumber Steve. A few days after the leak was identified, he replaced the old gas lines for me, free of charge. Thank God, Mary, and sweet little Baby Jesus! Knowing Steve saved me a couple of hundred bucks, right here at Christmastime, when I really need it.

He also recently dug up some tenacious saplings gone berserk near the back of my house. There is NO way I could have done that myself. Those suckers hang on crazy tight to the ground and I am too weak for that kind of work. If not for Steve, I would have had to have paid someone to do it, which means that it would have probably been a year or more before I had the extra money, and the tree roots would have grown into my water pipes, causing some major damage, etc. etc.

Some women gain financial assistance by dating men who have plenty of money to share. Some have all the money in the world and need help from no one. I need a man who can contribute financially in other ways. I pay my bills, but there are just some things I CANNOT do for myself, nor afford for anyone else to do for me.

Thank goodness for Steve and all others like him. He helped me save around $250 this month! Woo hoo!

Poverty Entertainment – Raging Over Spilled Milk

It’s time for some more poverty entertainment via the Denton Police Blotter! A couple of free mind movies for ya with strong visuals: spilled milk, blue leather, a car spirit, and a shovel to the face. Enjoy!

800 block of Oakland Street — A man told police that his former girlfriend struck him several times when he spilled milk Tuesday.

The man said she came to his apartment to pick up their 3-year-old daughter. She was aggravated while trying to get a child car seat through the apartment, he said. He had her car door open and was trying to put a lid on a cup of milk when she began backing up the car. He tried to avoid being struck by the door and dropped the cup.

She began cursing him, got out of the car and struck him several times, according to the police report.

2500 block of Louise Street — A man reported about 3:45 a.m. Saturday that another man hit him in the eye and ran away with his coat.

The victim was inebriated, according to the report, as was a witness to the crime. The victim said he saw a man walking out of his apartment and believed the man had stolen from him.

The victim discovered his blue leather jacket was missing. He confronted a woman about the jacket because he thought her boyfriend had taken it, according to the report.

The boyfriend then struck him in the face with a shovel, the report states.

1400 block of West Oak Street — An officer began to suspect that something was wrong when he couldn’t see a passenger who a driver complained was passed out in his car.

The officer responded about 4:15 a.m. Sunday to the complaint. The man said he wanted the unconscious man out of his back seat. The officer shined a flashlight into the seat but no one was there.

“See, he’s right there,” the man said, indicating the empty seat.

The officer asked to go inside the house and was allowed in. He found a bag of marijuana there, according to the police report, and took the man to jail.

My sister wrote a happy little song about this post:

It’s the Holidays!!  Look what it does to people!

(sing)

Deck the halls with milk and shovels….fa, la, la, la, la…lalalala!
Smoke some weed and ”I see” people…fa, la, la, la, la…lalalala!

Don we now our blue leather jackets…fa la la, fa la la…lalala!
Now we’re on the judge’s docket…fa, la, la, la, lala…lalalala!!!