Poverty Entertainment – Raging Over Spilled Milk

It’s time for some more poverty entertainment via the Denton Police Blotter! A couple of free mind movies for ya with strong visuals: spilled milk, blue leather, a car spirit, and a shovel to the face. Enjoy!

800 block of Oakland Street — A man told police that his former girlfriend struck him several times when he spilled milk Tuesday.

The man said she came to his apartment to pick up their 3-year-old daughter. She was aggravated while trying to get a child car seat through the apartment, he said. He had her car door open and was trying to put a lid on a cup of milk when she began backing up the car. He tried to avoid being struck by the door and dropped the cup.

She began cursing him, got out of the car and struck him several times, according to the police report.

2500 block of Louise Street — A man reported about 3:45 a.m. Saturday that another man hit him in the eye and ran away with his coat.

The victim was inebriated, according to the report, as was a witness to the crime. The victim said he saw a man walking out of his apartment and believed the man had stolen from him.

The victim discovered his blue leather jacket was missing. He confronted a woman about the jacket because he thought her boyfriend had taken it, according to the report.

The boyfriend then struck him in the face with a shovel, the report states.

1400 block of West Oak Street — An officer began to suspect that something was wrong when he couldn’t see a passenger who a driver complained was passed out in his car.

The officer responded about 4:15 a.m. Sunday to the complaint. The man said he wanted the unconscious man out of his back seat. The officer shined a flashlight into the seat but no one was there.

“See, he’s right there,” the man said, indicating the empty seat.

The officer asked to go inside the house and was allowed in. He found a bag of marijuana there, according to the police report, and took the man to jail.

My sister wrote a happy little song about this post:

It’s the Holidays!!  Look what it does to people!

(sing)

Deck the halls with milk and shovels….fa, la, la, la, la…lalalala!
Smoke some weed and ”I see” people…fa, la, la, la, la…lalalala!

Don we now our blue leather jackets…fa la la, fa la la…lalala!
Now we’re on the judge’s docket…fa, la, la, la, lala…lalalala!!!

Poverty Holiday Shopping

CD Gift Cover

YES. They do love your gifts if you make them yourself and YES, it’s much cheaper to do so!

The holiday season is supposed to be happy and joyful and whatnot, but most people I talk to about it go on and on about how stressed and penniless they are because of all the shopping. As a forced solution to this problem, I found out through poverty that simple, thoughtful gifts are the best. They truly are.  It’s not a cliché.

A few years ago, I started making mixed CD’s for all my near relatives. Those CD’s are some of the most well-received gifts I’ve ever given anyone. For the price of a pack of blank CD’s, I can bring hours of entertainment and background noise to my gift recipients. The key is to put together a list of songs that is meaningful to you and the listener – songs that remind you of that person, or that you think they’ll really like, or some that will remind them of you. Don’t just slap your favorite songs on a CD and expect a big response from someone. You have to put your heart into it.

Another inexpensive gift is to design and assemble jewelry for people. Next time you’re up to it, take a peek into a craft shop. I know, I know…craft stores can be lame, but there are tons of jewelry makin’ supplies to be discovered in them – really pretty stones, beads, etc.  If you put some time and effort into actually making jewelry for someone, it shows. If you make the piece reflect their personality, favorite colors, and style, they’ll love it! Or, at the least, they’ll appreciate the effort. Again, you can’t just throw something together. You have to put your heart into it.

A fun poverty gift I always rely on is a bag of M&M’s for my dad. A big bag. I give him one every year. I know he probably loves those M&M’s more than a pair of socks or something else I could grab for the same price, so I keep giving them to him year after year. Maybe someday, someone will give ME a giant bag of M&M’s???  Dad, are you out there? Mom?

Poverty Entertainment – Denton Police Blotter

Ahhh…now THIS is why I read the Denton Police Blotter. This is what keeps me coming back day after day – the stuff that makes it all worthwhile. I’ve mentioned that I read the Denton Police Blotter as an affirmation of my intelligence and sanity. I also read it as an affirmation of my common sense.

I like to think about these blotter entries as Poverty Entertainment. They are a much cheaper conversation starter than going to the theater or renting a movie. The blotter is free to read online and can generate a good hour of conversation at any gathering of friends, family, or coworkers. It’s always fun to dissect  and analyze the thought patterns of blotter subjects and how they got themselves in some of these crazy situations.

Check this out:

Blotter: Woman reports assault by massage student impostor 11:36 PM CST on Wednesday, December 2, 2009 By Candace Carlisle / Staff Writer

A 21-year-old Denton woman reported she was assaulted by a man posing as a massage student Monday. The man knocked on the woman’s front door on Stella Street, telling her he was a student from a massage school in Lewisville and he needed massage field hours for a class, according to a police report.

The woman agreed to help him with his assignment and let him into her residence. The man told the woman to take her clothes off and asked her to lie on her bed, according to the report. The woman told him she was uncomfortable with his request and donned shorts and a tank top before lying on her couch. Once the man started the massage, he told the woman she had to take off her tank top and bra, and the woman hesitantly complied.

As he massaged her back and legs, he asked if she wanted her buttocks massaged, and he moved his hands up to her crotch area, according to the report. The woman told the man to take his hands off her and got up to put her clothing on, after which the man commented on her breasts.

Before the woman could get the man out of her residence, he gave her a hug and would not immediately let her go, she told police. He also asked her on a date.

After the man left, the woman called the massage school, which told her the man was an imposter. Police are searching for the man, described as being in his early 20s, 5 feet, 9 inches tall, weighing about 190 pounds with a semi-muscular build. The man has a tattoo on one of his upper arms and was wearing tan cargo shorts and flip-flops during the attack, according to the report.

Police had no leads on the assailant Wednesday afternoon, said a spokesman for the Denton police.

Cool new (cheap) store!

Thanks to a friend from work, I have recently discovered the Dallas Super H Mart Asian grocery store! Its wide variety of inexpensive and fresh produce, frozen food, rice, noodles, and canned goods BLOWS MY MIND. After poverty shopping at the same store for the past 20 years, this place is a dream come true.

During my first visit, I met both my friend and her husband there. I guess neither of them realized how freaking excited I’d be about it. Maybe I should have told them that I use retail browsing as a form of Poverty Entertainment and Poverty Therapy (it soothes). At one point, after following me around for an hour and half, I noticed her husband sitting on the edge of a waist high freezer, just sort of staring off into space. Funny, that’s the same thing I see men doing at Sam Moon, another Asian super store…

Anyway, when you first enter, you’re blasted by techno-esque pop music! Happy! But then sad – when you realize that you have to go right back outside again to get a shopping cart. And then happy – when you reenter and all around you is light, sound, color, and an explosion of good smells! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

After I returned home and calmed down from a mini-bout of buyer’s remorse, I cooked a big dinner for Steve and me. I estimate that the entire meal cost me about $10 in ingredients, and it lasted for 2.5 days…and that’s WITH Steve eating a ton of it on the first night.

That was a few weeks ago, and I STILL have plenty of canned goods, spice packs, frozen pot stickers and noodles to cook. That place is a BARGAIN!

Check it out.

Next time…more Denton Police Blotter goofiness.

A Very Anti-Poverty Thanksgiving

I’d like to give a big “THANK YOU!” to my Texas Hill Country relatives for going all out this year at Thanksgiving. I ate so much that I made myself sore!

We couldn’t have had a better setting for a family meal. My aunt and uncle live on a gorgeous ranch west of Austin in the Texas Hill Country. It’s a 5.5 hour drive from where I live, but the scenery along the way is nice, and the drive is fun.

My poverty diet is back to normal now – hands are shaking and tingly because because I’ve yet to eat today. If only I could somehow transform these photos into the real thing. This food would be a nice alternative to the 1/3 of a 1 oz. bag of Lay’s Baked Potato Chips that I’m snacking on right now.

I hope your Thanksgiving was as nifty as mine! Now…off to the kitchen to scrape up a poverty meal of close-to-stale bread and store brand peanut butter. Or, maybe I’ll open up that can of store brand soup that’s calling my name? Some canned baby corn? Rice and peas again? Ramen noodles?

Enjoy the pics!

Thanksgiving Wish

Bound, Acrylic on Canvas, 2001

A Thanksgiving Wish…

 

Be thankful that you aren’t featured in the Denton Police Blotter! I had to read this one twice to make sure I got it right. Tee hee!

Blotter: Muddy footprints lead to intruder’s hiding spot

By Donna Fielder / Staff Writer

A man came home from a dental appointment and found a burglar in his house, he told Denton police.

The man said he left his house about 1:15 p.m. Thursday and returned about 3 p.m. He unlocked the front door and noticed muddy footprints on his otherwise pristine carpet, he said.

He tried to clean up the footprints and went to the laundry room to get more cleaning supplies. He couldn’t get the door open, he said. It appeared to be stuck. He pulled harder and finally the door opened.

He discovered a man in the laundry room holding on to the doorknob and the frame in an attempt to keep the door closed. The man ran past the homeowner and out the back door, according to the report. Arriving officers found that the frame to the back door was broken, according to the police report.

The man did not report anything missing.

Poverty Entertainment – Doggie Style

Have you ever spent the better part of an evening watching your dogs romp around the house for no good reason other than because it’s entertaining? Have your four legged buddies ever inspired you and your friends or family to sit around telling dog stories all night? 

If so, you’ve experienced poverty entertainment in its purest form! Everything I just described is fun and totally FREE. If you’re trying to shrink your entertainment expenses, think about the hours you spend with your dogs. Calculate that cost (nothing) in comparison to a night out (more than nothing). Dog watchin’ is cheaper. I’m just sayin’…

My brother and his wife used to have four Boston Terriers: Rosie, Lulu, Mabel, and Claire. They all lived in a converted workshop/loft in East Dallas. There wasn’t a yard to speak of, so the dogs were full of unspent energy from hanging out in the house all day. Some of my happiest memories are packing my daughter up in the car, driving down to Dallas, and hanging out with my brother, his wife, and their pack of little high-energy Bostons.  We’d spend the better part of a weekend sitting around, drinking wine, laughing, talking, and dog watchin’. Those were good times! The dogs made them happen.

Rosie and Lulu have since crossed on over to the other side, and Mabel and Claire are now starting to slow down a bit, but man…when all four dogs were in their prime, we had endless fun sitting around at their house and watching those little gals zip around the floor and furniture like Superballs. They were nuts.

Why do we feel pressure to spend all our money on “entertainment” when it’s right there in front of us, literally begging for our attention? I’d much rather be sitting around with good friends or family, chatting, sipping wine, and laughing at the dumb dogs than most anything else on a Friday night, after a long work week. Life isn’t always about how much you can do and where you can travel. Sometimes it needs to center on the simple things like good conversation and sharing a laugh. Whether that laugh is delivered by a $100 night out or $0 at home with friends (human and canine) is up to you.

Rosie and Lulu, 2002, acrylic on wood

Classic Poverty Diet Recipe!

Three Generations of Poverty Chefs

I know this blog is entitled “The Poverty Diet”, and you might have been wondering for a while where all the diet talk is hiding. I don’t post lots of diet tips and recipes here because A) that’s boring, B) I’m not an expert chef or nutritionist, and C) The Poverty Diet isn’t only about food – it’s a lifestyle.  I’ve been skinny during my two decades of poverty, and the biggest reason was/is because I couldn’t afford many groceries. In the past year, since getting a real job and being able to afford a bit more, I’ve gained 5 – 10 pounds.  Coincidence?  I think not.

So, for all of you who’ve been waiting and waiting for a recipe…it’s finally here.  This is my quintessential poverty recipe.  I had it tonight for dinner and photographed the ingredients and finished product.  I apologize for the crappy photos.  My camera battery was dying after spending a good while outside videotaping my dogs for the upcoming post about Poverty Entertainment.

This recipe is cheap as hell, and hardly has any calories.  If you are doing your proper poverty fitness routines, you’ll need all of its carbs, so don’t worry about that. I have been eating this for years and years.  The key ingredient is a pretty bowl or plate. NO poverty food tastes good on a plain ol’ plate.  And for God’s sake, don’t use paper or plastic plates if you want your poverty food to reach its full potential.  I am a firm believer in the power of pretty for jazzing up the flavor of ANY dish.  Period.

OK, so here’s the recipe.  Eat this for 20 years and you’ll stay thin.  Ha! Ha!  Just kidding.  I have plenty more where this came from – many are more colorful and interesting.  Here goes…

Rice and Frozen Peas

• 1 cup rice (brown is healthier, if that’s what you’re in to)
• 2 cups water, give or take, depending on the type of rice
• 1/2 cup frozen green peas
• 1/2 tablespoon store brand margarine
• salt or other seasoning to taste

Cook the rice.  Add the peas, butter and seasoning. Stir. Serve in prettiest dish you own. Relax somehow and eat. Feel full.

All done! This was really good!  The bowl was purchased at the Denton Arts and Jazz Fest for $5 from the cutest old man in the world.  The plate was also purchased there, from a different vendor, as a birthday gift from my friend Roki.   Remember…it’s all about the serve ware.  Without that, this recipe is just rice and peas.  With prettiness as it’s side kick, it transforms into a butterfly of fresh flavors and simplicity.

Enjoy!

Texas Car Show

I had the best time this past weekend at Piston’s n Paint, an annual car show here in Denton by the Chupacabra car club. The  show features hot rods, customs, and bikes (pre-1965). Steve, his daughter, and I brought my new camera along and documented the day. I can’t decide what was more interesting: the cars, the girls, or the straw-hat-on-a-bearded-guy phenomenon.  The photo below was my favorite.  It’ll soon be printed and hung on my Poverty Kitchen Art Wall.  I also bought a super cheap Day of the Dead style print, matted and framed, for $20.  It’s already hanging in my kitchen and looks super cool. Thanks, Chupacabras, for bringing another great festival to Denton!

Sugar Doll Award!

After merely 3.5 weeks off blogging, I have received the highly sought after Fabulous Sugar Doll Award from my new e-friend Kate at The Life Unscripted. I normally tend to steer clear of get-to-know-me lists, but I here I am, respecting my duty as an award recipient to share 10 Things About Me with the rest of you.

~

1.  It’s a new experience to be thought of as a Sugar Doll instead of a Ginger Snap.

2.  Something’s comin’. I don’t know. What it is.  But it is. Gonna be greaaaaaaaat.

3.  I question everything. Why?

4.  My mind never rests and I have a hard time really, really relaxing. I’m always impressed at how Steve can live in the moment…something about compartmentalizing.

5.  My dog Frank ran away last night and ended up on Steve’s front porch AGAIN. He must have climbed over the back fence, which means he was zapped by the electric wire at the top. The voltage in that wire is meant to contain livestock. Dang, Frank!

6.  I can’t go to bed if my kitchen is dirty.

7.  I am about to stage a protest against all the men in my neighborhood who attempt to extend their manliness by walking their dogs off the leash, thereby inconveniencing the rest of us who are trying to make it around the block without dog fights, sniff attacks, leash-pulling, nervousness, owner arguments, dog vs. car scenes, or general tension. I was thinking of picketing their houses by carrying large posters of dogs who’ve been smashed-flat by car tires. Any other suggestions?

8.  I wish I had the guts to dress like the gals at Pistons n Paint.

9.  Morning glories are one of my favorite flowers.  Hmmmm…when I look at this picture I wonder, “Maybe this is where Frank got the idea to climb the fence?”

10.  I’m thankful to anyone who made it to the bottom of this list without drifting off to someone else’s blog.

Speaking of others’ blogs…I now pass this award along to Swati from thesinglemotherschronicles.com and Nataliya at suburbanmummyuk.wordpress.com.